Who knew Martha could help us save money?

I just logged onto my Gmail account to find my daily tip from Martha. Today's is surprisingly helpful! I usually don't think of Martha when it comes to saving money, but today she has 50 tips for staying on budget (actually, it seems she has two sets -- this is the other one). I am a budget bride (of course, aren't most of us?) but some of these were new to me. She suggests, for example, hiring a wedding planner to save money because they are not shy about haggling. I never would have thought of that! Ah, Martha, saving us -- from overspending and bad taste -- at every turn.

drying my tears with the pages of a book

Last week I cried nearly every time I thought about the wedding. It started with a fairly benign if slightly pushy email from the best man, which G. forwarded to me. It continued with a discussion between me and my supremely supportive MOH regarding bridesmaids' shoes. The reason I didn't cry these two times is because I was at work, and I have a no crying at work policy, which has only been broken once when I was a waittress and someone stole $80 off a table of mine, which I then had to pay myself.

Anyhow.

Finally, on Sunday, I did cry, and that was because I was having a nice day at home alone with G. and I had the time and space. I heard once, I think on Oprah, that people tend to cry when they feel safe. Interesting!

I realized that I am having some very mixed feelings about the wedding, which could be identified as below:

1.) I am pretty Type B, meaning I don't care if stuff is perfect, I just want it to be good.
2.) Although most brides are obsessed with details, there are a lot of details about which I really don't give a fig, such as bridesmaids' shoes.
3.) I have difficulty comprimising, if I am not the person who suggested comprimise.
4.) I hate being told that I have to do something, or made to feel like I don't have a choice.
5.) Even though I am Type B, I do worry about the pressure to have a totally awesome wedding that is creative and original and totally expresses exactly what G. and I are about.
6.) I worry about spending too much money.
7.) I worry about feeling/acting/appearing greedy.

I think this may have been bridal meltdown #1. Of how many, we'll see.

I went straight to my local bookstore that I love, McNally Jackson Books. I bought two books that I hope would bring me back from the edge, and so far so good.

The first is Altared (edited by Colleen Curran) has a very satisfying picture of a bride in a fabulous dress tearing her hair out. The book is a collection of essays about the tumult of wedding planning, and are decidedly not of the fairy-tale wedding variety. They are honest and touching and made me feel better. I especially liked Amy Sohn's and Dani Shapiro's essays.

I also bought Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides (Ariel Meadow Stallings). I haven't started it yet, but I read the Offbeat Bride blog and although I am not a goth or Ren-Fair bride, I appreciate the blog's committment to freedom and indepence and feeling like you can get away from the Knot if you want.

Having finished Altared, I am already feeling a lot better. I can't wait to start the Offbeat Bride book. I also feel a lot better being honest that I don't give a rat's ass about bridesmaids' shoes! It's the dirty truth.

I could definitely have worse problems than worrying about where to go on our...

...honeymoon!

I have been really unfocused with the planning, lately. Our friends P. & S. got back from their honeymoon in Aruba recently, and hearing about their superfun times got me all fired up about the honeymoon.

(A recap of the conversation about their honeymoon:
G: So now that you're done with the wedding, what did you guys talk about on the honeymoon?
P: We didn't talk.
S: We didn't talk! We sat on the beach and I read all 8 True Blood books!)

We have not been able to figure out what we're doing with the honeymoon. We can't really afford it (and don't want to do a honeymoon registry), but we do expect to receive money at the wedding. I also have some savings that I could put toward it. But we don't have a budget, we don't know how long we want to go for, or where to go!

Here are some things we do (think) we know:
1) we want warm weather
2) we want to veg, big time
3) we would prefer to go to a place where English is the main language
4) we are getting more an more into the all-inclusive

What does all this add up to? Lazy!

Back in 2000, I went to South Beach and saw the wonder that is the Delano Hotel infinity pool. I vowed that although it is very expensive, I would go back one day and stay there. So one idea we had was to spend a night or two at the Delano, and then head to Key West for the rest of the vacation. That's our first idea.

Then, I thought, "Belize!" I love Mexico, and have been there several times, but never to the Yucatan. These days, I am a little nervous about traveling to Mexico because it is unstable, but Belize is right there! Also, because it was a British Colony, English is the main language. They have a beautiful barrier reef, awesome beaches and hotels, and is the inspiration for Madonna's "La Isla Bonita!" We have been looking at Laru Beya, Victoria House and Xanadu.

But then I was looking at Elegant Bride today, and saw an article about St. Lucia, and got all excited about that! Neither of us has been to the Carribbean more than once or twice, so it is not old-hat for us. (I know some people who have been to the Carribbean so much that it is nothing special.)

We also considered staying in the continental U.S. Friends of ours took a road trip around the Southwest for their honeymoon, and that sounded wonderful. Though it doesn't really fit with the "lazy" and "want to veg" priorities.

I just don't know how to get focused. I don't know how to set a budget or find great resorts. Well, I do know how to find resorts. My favorite: Tripadvior (I don't travel without it!). But I feel like I am being inefficient in my research.

How did you approach your honeymoon research?

invitation pre-planning

One DIY project we're doing that I am super excited about is our invitations. G. works as an editor at an independent poetry press in Brooklyn, and one of the great things about that experience is that he learned how to do letterpress.

The "paper" parts of our wedding are definitely his thing. He designed our STDs, with just a little input from me. We chose the paper and the ink colors together, and he took care of the rest. We went one Sunday to the press and letterpressed those babies ourselves. It took about five hours to make about 100 (we have lots of extras). That really brought home for me how much work is involved in letterpress. Oh -- that's why it's so expensive!

G. is in grad school (in addition to working full-time) so we really want to get these invitations done for the most part before labor day. He's not going to have much time to ruminate on projects once classes get cooking.

I am psyched about how psyched he is for this project. We both really had a good time making the STDs and it energized us for the invitations. For my part, it made me realize that we need to really think carefully about how much of the suite we want to letterpress, and what could be done on the ole inkjet. (A letterpress map to the wedding would look great, but.....)

I know that G. wants the suite to be a little weird, totally beautiful, and something that people will keep. (I know most brides want the invitation to be something people keep, but I am impressed that he, as the groom, does. To be honest, and I kind of hate to admit this, but the only wedding invitations we've ever kept are the ones we put in our scrapbook of romance. Isn't that terrible? Argh. Sorry.)

Anyhow, I can't wait to see what he comes up with. I am especially curious because he doesn't read wedding blogs and probably isn't as well-versed as I am about what's trendy in wedding invitation design. I think that he'll come up with something totally organically, which is awesome. Also, G. has a hell of an imagination so I expect they will be a little offbeat, too.

Of course, in a way we're two peas in a pod in that respect, because I have asked him repeatedly how we can work a beautiful image of a jellyfish into our design. Why? Why not!

"Like my homey D.O.C. - no one can do it better"

The acronym D.O.C. always reminds me of "Nuthin but a G Thang" from Dr. Dre's The Chronic. Anyone out there remember? Anyone? Anyhow. Yeah. Nothing to do with day-of-coordinators, but in a Pavlovian way, that line always pops into my head when people talk about the D.O.C. Which they have done a lot lately! So I'll weigh in, since we are taking a little bit of a different, dare I say experimental route.

We're neither having one nor not-having one. What we're doing is asking our friend C., who is an attorney by day and a four-year-married-but-still-wedding-obsessed-wannabe-planner by night. So! At first I didn't really "get" the D.O.C. thing. I thought they were for people who were more control-freaky and less careful with their money than me. Foolish, I know. I have learned the error of my ways.

But I still wasn't sure I wanted to pay for one. My folks and I had already worked out a budget, and this just wasn't really in it.

On the other hand, my mom -- who is super Type A -- has been going gangbusters this whole time. I was beginning to imagine her totally blowing a fuse on the day-of, trying to get everything coordinated.

I suggested to her the idea of asking C. to do it, and paying her a small fee (basically enough for a nice dinner out with her husband). My mom was really relieved and totally into it.

We wouldn't ask C. to do all the things that D.O.C.s do, like checking in with vendors and stuff. But I figured that since catering comes with the venue, and we're probably not hiring a DJ, and we're on the fence about a florist, we don't have so, so many vendors. I do need someone, however, to tell the musicians when to play, when I should walk, when toasts need to start (since we're not having a DJ), to make sure the ushers know what's going on, to keep my mom sane, all that.

I knew G. would be nervous about this idea and think we were imposing on a friend who expected to be a guest. But I have learned that people want to help. Especially people who are obsessed with weddings! When I asked C., she accepted before I even got the whole question out. I assured her that she would still be a guest and we'd end her duties ASAP once things got cooking. She didn't care, she was on board!

So, we'll see. Maybe I'll be able to convince C. to quit her dayjob and then I can be her first reference and all of y'all can hire her!