my bridal style. sigh.

One of the first wedding blogs I looked at regularly was Offbeat Bride. I really like the motto of the site's creator Ariel: your wedding is not a competition. My main motto is it's a celebration, not an event, but I really respond to the competition idea, too.

When I was in middle school, I went to a lot of really, really opulent and pull-out-the-stops bar mitzvahs (as well as a couple totally nice and tasteful ones). These were my first introduction to celebratory events where there is a ceremonial component and a celebratory component. I wish Ariel was there to counsel these parents, but she was probably also in middle school at the time.

Anyhow, I remember, even at the relatively ding-dong dense age of 12, that some of the solemnity of the ceremony was overshadowed by the gumball-machine favors and karaoke machines. It all seemed kind of desperate and gauche to me. (No, I did not use words like gauche when I was 12.)

Planning my wedding now, I am trying to strike a balance between
a) having a fun and memorable and wonderful and awesome wedding
b) resisting the desire to "entertain" my guests

I want my wedding to stand out, but I don't want my wedding to stand out. I want it to be special, but I want it to be special because it's me and G. (hello, ego), not because we busted our asses trying to think up the most clever party tricks. I don't want to feel like a dog and pony show. I don't want to feel like our wedding will only be awesome with a photobooth. I don't want to verge on tacky, 1990 bar mitzvah territory.

Anyone else out there feel me on this? Do you feel pressure to "entertain" your guests?

Gonna make you up in my love! (Or in Bobbi Brown, whichever)

I've mentioned before that for better or for worse, I am pretty decisive. My fiance has definitely developed a system he uses to see whether my latest impassioned proclamation is something I conjured up 5 minutes ago or 5 months ago.

However, one thing I am really going back and forth on is what to do about my makeup. Part of my indecision relates to budget: can I afford it? Do I care? Should I do it because it's "my day?" Should I be more conscious of sending my budget out the door because it's "my day?"

Here's the deal: I am pretty okay at doing my own hair, but it is definitely a crapshoot how it will look on any given day, and "crapshoot" is not what I am (ahem) shooting for on my wedding day. So I am hiring the girl who usually cuts my hair to do it.*

I feel even more confident with my makeup than I do with my hair. When I spend the time, I really can do my makeup pretty well. I know that I can get myself through the day without looking like either Tilda Swinton (love her! but she could use a little mascara!) or Tammy Faye (may she rest in peace).

But that is in a day-to-day going to work sense. In terms of "event" makeup, I am not so sure. I know I can apply my eyeliner with a steady hand, but do I know which is the perfect eyeliner to use? Can I keep my skin from being shiny? (Becoming shiny is my skin's life's work.) I feel like even though I can do it, maybe I should find someone who can do it better.

On the other hand, another argument on the side of doing it myself is that I know what I want, and it's not that complex. I have two inspiration photos and that's it:

Don't mind the lady in the lingerie. I don't plan on vamping it up. But I do like the swoopy black eyeliner and strong lip (I will be having a pink color though, not red). I supposed it is a classic 50s style that I am going for, kinda Marilyn. (I know, I know, who doesn't want to look "kinda Marilyn" sometimes?)

I don't know. I have been studying up and bookmarking products that I want to use, but I wonder if maybe I should just give in and have someone do it for me. I didn't really budget for it and I don't really know if I can afford it. Did any of you go back and forth on the makeup issue? Does anyone have anything definitive to say to me about it?


*OK, she has only cut my hair once before, but she is really cute and nice and swears she won't make me look like a prom queen. I decided to hire her on the spot, of course!

Dress dramarama

In my approved pre-engagement internet research, I discovered that J. Crew does weddings, and I decided straight away that I wanted a J. Crew wedding. J. Crew is the greatest, and I do love checking things off the list. Wedding dress and bridesmaids dresses from the same place, available online? Perf!

I also have three personality quirks that make the proposition of wedding dress shopping a total nightmare for me:
1) I hate trying on.
2) I get overwhelmed by too many choices (I don't even like long menus in restaurants!).
3) I am more of a "good enough" girl than a "this has to be PERFECT!" girl.

I had already fished around on the J. Crew website and found a bunch of dresses that I liked. Once we actually were engaged, I got my mom on the phone and managed to navigate her onto the website so we could shop online together. We picked the Sabine gown in about 10 minutes, and were done.


I went to work the next day, beaming to the girls about how only weeks after getting engaged, I had the venue and the dress. Man, I thought I had all my ducks in a row. Who said planning a wedding is hard?

The dress came only four days after ordering it, which was very exciting. Even more exciting was the lovely, giant box with a lovely, giant bow in which the dress arrived. My recently-wed friend Rosemary came over and helped me try it on.

Once in the dress, I wasn't so sure. It looked a little too homecoming queen for me. There was something about the fabric that just overwhelmed me and made me feel like I was drowning in ivory taffeta. Rosemary fussed over me and gave advice on how a tailor could nip it in here or there, we'd get it steamed, and everything would be great. She took pictures for me to send to my mom and maid of honor. When I looked at the pictures, I felt like the dress was very unflattering and just not at all how I had hoped to look.

I was very committed to the J. Crew idea, though, and I became stubborn. I had it in my head that I would have a J. Crew wedding, and by God, I was going to do it!

Fortunately, I got a grip a few days later. I realized I have months 'til the wedding and I can do whatever I want, and I don't have to wear this dress, and there is no reason to have a dress that is just good-enough. With the encouragement of two girlfriends and my mom, I decided that I would take the dress back. Now it is hard to believe I was even considering settling. It's embarassing!

In May, my maid of honor, my mom and my fiance's sister went with me to Jenny Yoo, who also has classic, chic and affordable gowns. I tried on ten gowns, LOVED four of them, and ended up buying the first one I tried on (which is chiffon; I did learn that taffeta does not look good on me!).

It was totally easy -- we were done in like an hour. (The only difficult thing was getting my girls to pay attention to me! The studio was running a 75% off sale on cashmere sweaters, and everytime I came out of the dressing room, they were browsing sweaters. Jerks!)

I still think J. Crew is a fantastic option, and I am really glad they have gotten into the bridal business. I have seen gorgeous pictures of real weddings in which the bride wore this J. Crew, polka dot gown, and it was a knockout!


The dress just wasn't for me. Also, I need to slow down and be careful about my decision-making!

Has anyone out there bought a wedding dress off the internet?