Who knew Martha could help us save money?

I just logged onto my Gmail account to find my daily tip from Martha. Today's is surprisingly helpful! I usually don't think of Martha when it comes to saving money, but today she has 50 tips for staying on budget (actually, it seems she has two sets -- this is the other one). I am a budget bride (of course, aren't most of us?) but some of these were new to me. She suggests, for example, hiring a wedding planner to save money because they are not shy about haggling. I never would have thought of that! Ah, Martha, saving us -- from overspending and bad taste -- at every turn.

drying my tears with the pages of a book

Last week I cried nearly every time I thought about the wedding. It started with a fairly benign if slightly pushy email from the best man, which G. forwarded to me. It continued with a discussion between me and my supremely supportive MOH regarding bridesmaids' shoes. The reason I didn't cry these two times is because I was at work, and I have a no crying at work policy, which has only been broken once when I was a waittress and someone stole $80 off a table of mine, which I then had to pay myself.

Anyhow.

Finally, on Sunday, I did cry, and that was because I was having a nice day at home alone with G. and I had the time and space. I heard once, I think on Oprah, that people tend to cry when they feel safe. Interesting!

I realized that I am having some very mixed feelings about the wedding, which could be identified as below:

1.) I am pretty Type B, meaning I don't care if stuff is perfect, I just want it to be good.
2.) Although most brides are obsessed with details, there are a lot of details about which I really don't give a fig, such as bridesmaids' shoes.
3.) I have difficulty comprimising, if I am not the person who suggested comprimise.
4.) I hate being told that I have to do something, or made to feel like I don't have a choice.
5.) Even though I am Type B, I do worry about the pressure to have a totally awesome wedding that is creative and original and totally expresses exactly what G. and I are about.
6.) I worry about spending too much money.
7.) I worry about feeling/acting/appearing greedy.

I think this may have been bridal meltdown #1. Of how many, we'll see.

I went straight to my local bookstore that I love, McNally Jackson Books. I bought two books that I hope would bring me back from the edge, and so far so good.

The first is Altared (edited by Colleen Curran) has a very satisfying picture of a bride in a fabulous dress tearing her hair out. The book is a collection of essays about the tumult of wedding planning, and are decidedly not of the fairy-tale wedding variety. They are honest and touching and made me feel better. I especially liked Amy Sohn's and Dani Shapiro's essays.

I also bought Offbeat Bride: Taffeta-Free Alternatives for Independent Brides (Ariel Meadow Stallings). I haven't started it yet, but I read the Offbeat Bride blog and although I am not a goth or Ren-Fair bride, I appreciate the blog's committment to freedom and indepence and feeling like you can get away from the Knot if you want.

Having finished Altared, I am already feeling a lot better. I can't wait to start the Offbeat Bride book. I also feel a lot better being honest that I don't give a rat's ass about bridesmaids' shoes! It's the dirty truth.

Make Me Up

I saw this article in the Times last week about Laura Luke, the Youtube makeup tutorial phenomenon. I had never heard of her before, but spent some time today watching a Twilight-inspired (yes!) makeup tutorial. Her accent is cute, her work is good, and she saved a little time at the end to show off her dogs. I can relate to that!
I am still going back and forth on whether I am going to hire someone to do my makeup. My friend M. had her photographer friendor also do her makeup (talk about multi-tasking!), and the photographer/makeup artist had learned everything she knows on Youtube! I am thinking maybe I can study up for the next four months and do some totally awesome, perhaps Twilight-inspired makeup for my wedding day. I really like the idea of doing it myself rather than hiring someone, if I can do a good job.

As a sidenote, my same friend M. works in women's media and gets tons of free stuff. I had dinner with her (+ another friend and the friendor photographer/makeup artist) the other night, and she brought us each a tube of lipstick. I felt like it was some kind of bizarre Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants moment, because each of us chose one that looked fantastic on us. I myself got Estee Lauder's #67 Plum Amethyst, and I have to say: I think I found my wedding lipstick! Thanks, M.!

Walls Guestbook

I have to hijack a post from Brooklyn Bride for you:

The "Walls" Guestbook!

I went to two weddings this summer that had totally awesome guest-photography guest books. One involved a rented Polaroid camera, and the other a photobooth. As much as I loved that stuff, now I feel like I have to think of my own thing for the guest book (or, rather, let the blogs think of it for me). So I saw the wall book on Brooklyn Bride today and thought, ah-ha!

I love the graffiti element of it. I have been interested in graffiti since being introduced to it by a high school boyfriend. (He even professed his love for me in Krylon on my parents' basement wall!) In graduate school for art history, I tried to write a paper about graffiti, treating it as a serious movement. I say "try" because my conservative professors were decidedly not down. But that is a story for another time.

Anyhow, I think this is totally great, and it's only $16 by the way, which I was very happy to learn. Anyone else out there have some good guest book idea? Part of me still really wants to do the Polaroid thing, but I feel like that would be weird.

I could definitely have worse problems than worrying about where to go on our...

...honeymoon!

I have been really unfocused with the planning, lately. Our friends P. & S. got back from their honeymoon in Aruba recently, and hearing about their superfun times got me all fired up about the honeymoon.

(A recap of the conversation about their honeymoon:
G: So now that you're done with the wedding, what did you guys talk about on the honeymoon?
P: We didn't talk.
S: We didn't talk! We sat on the beach and I read all 8 True Blood books!)

We have not been able to figure out what we're doing with the honeymoon. We can't really afford it (and don't want to do a honeymoon registry), but we do expect to receive money at the wedding. I also have some savings that I could put toward it. But we don't have a budget, we don't know how long we want to go for, or where to go!

Here are some things we do (think) we know:
1) we want warm weather
2) we want to veg, big time
3) we would prefer to go to a place where English is the main language
4) we are getting more an more into the all-inclusive

What does all this add up to? Lazy!

Back in 2000, I went to South Beach and saw the wonder that is the Delano Hotel infinity pool. I vowed that although it is very expensive, I would go back one day and stay there. So one idea we had was to spend a night or two at the Delano, and then head to Key West for the rest of the vacation. That's our first idea.

Then, I thought, "Belize!" I love Mexico, and have been there several times, but never to the Yucatan. These days, I am a little nervous about traveling to Mexico because it is unstable, but Belize is right there! Also, because it was a British Colony, English is the main language. They have a beautiful barrier reef, awesome beaches and hotels, and is the inspiration for Madonna's "La Isla Bonita!" We have been looking at Laru Beya, Victoria House and Xanadu.

But then I was looking at Elegant Bride today, and saw an article about St. Lucia, and got all excited about that! Neither of us has been to the Carribbean more than once or twice, so it is not old-hat for us. (I know some people who have been to the Carribbean so much that it is nothing special.)

We also considered staying in the continental U.S. Friends of ours took a road trip around the Southwest for their honeymoon, and that sounded wonderful. Though it doesn't really fit with the "lazy" and "want to veg" priorities.

I just don't know how to get focused. I don't know how to set a budget or find great resorts. Well, I do know how to find resorts. My favorite: Tripadvior (I don't travel without it!). But I feel like I am being inefficient in my research.

How did you approach your honeymoon research?

dramarama update!

I just learned that Jill & Kevin of the "JK Wedding Entrance Dance" have started a website, in which they are raising money to fight domestic violence.

The dance that they used for their ceremony entrance was by Chris Brown, who we all know beat up Rihanna the night of the Grammys. I have been following this story closely, and have very mixed feelings about the coverage it's gotten. I believe that the controversial picture of her battered face really brought home the serious and physical damage that this kind of battering causes. On the other hand, although I think the picture helped bring domestic violence out of the realm of the abstract for people who have not experienced it, I worry that it is a violation of Rihanna's privacy.
But we could argue about this all day.

What I was most upset by was the outpouring of support, not for Rihanna, but for Chris Brown! Overwhelmingly, (mostly male) celebrities let Brown off the hook with a "boys will be boys" excuse. I even heard many people repeat Brown's claim that Rihanna's island background caused her to be feisty, and that she was asking for it. Racist and sexist.

I have deleted Brown's songs from my iPod (I always liked Ne-Yo better anyhow) and have hoped that he will do some serious and penance for his actions.

For these reasons, I was thrilled that Jill and Kevin are working to use their 15 minutes of fame to help the cause of domestic violence. (Turns out Jill is studying domestic violence in her Ph.D. program!)

Major snaps to these guys. Seriously.

(Also, I can't help it: this is totally on a lighter note, but the website also has a picture of Jill & Kevin's wedding party, and I love Jill's BM dresses!)

lift 'em up, push 'em together!

I got a call last week that my dress is in! Last week, I know, I know. I can't believe it's just sitting there. But I had two important things to do before I could go pick it up. First, I had to find a tailor, which I have done. Second, I had to get my undergarments.

I am a big fan of What Not to Wear, and it was there that I first heard of the wonders of getting professionally fitted for a bra. I really hate bra shopping, and I always feel like I am buying the wrong thing, so I was psyched to learn that there are ladies out there who are experts at making my ladies look good.

In New York City, there are a few places you can go. WNTW used Linda the Bra Lady, who I have heard terrific things about. Online research led me to Bra*Tenders, however. Bra*Tenders is located near Times Square and the Theater District, and it is the go-to place for theater people. (Miss Star, am I right?) They got great reviews on Yelp.com, as well as on the wedding blogs.

You have to make an appointment, and they take your credit card over the phone. If you miss your appointment without calling to cancel, they charge you. Yikes! But the appointment system, as well as their commitment to it, really makes the experience and service top-notch.

Bra*Tenders isn't a storefront, it is on the 6th floor of an office building with a totally amazing Art Deco interior. I was buzzed in, and because I was early, superfriendly Crystal offered me candy and a magazine, and the chance to go to the bathroom (a girl after my own heart!). When she was ready for me, we went together into a dressing room that was about the size of a small New York City bedroom (kidding, sort of...). I brought a picture of me in my wedding dress, in which I was feeling a little droopy, to say the least.

She had me take off my shirt, and I said, "I'd like to lift 'em up. I want a little something going on, but not too va-va-voom."

"Yes," she said, "and we'll push them together, because you're hanging to the side." And then she pushed them together.

OK, then!

We decided on my size. I have always bought 34B, but recently started experimenting with 32C. Turns out I am a 32C. Hey, that's why straps always fall off my shoulder! Already, Bra*Tenders was worth it. She determined my size by trying a 32C bra that was absolutely lovely and made me look goooooood. I glanced at the price tag. Oh, this is what a $120 bra does for you!

Because the sweetheart neckline and the back of the dress dip low, she said I would need a bustier longline bra. She brought it in, and then asked me if I would consider wearing Spanx. I was hoping to not wear Spanx, but I decided to put myself in the hands of the expert. "Well, we can try it, I guess...." I said.

Then she told me that the longline bra would cause all my stuff to smoosh out the bottom and make a gross muffin top at my hips. By all means then, bring on the Spanx!

Putting them on was unpleasant, because I hate the feeling of squeezing my thighs and behind into something tight. But once it was on, it was all good. The bustier was lovely and arranged everything just so. Crystal was right, everything was totally smooth across my hips. By this point, I was totally used to the Spanx and planning what outfits I would wear them with.

I was so excited by how great Crystal was making me look that I allowed her to upsell me. Usually I buy my bras from Calvin Klein at Macy's on sale. I told her this, and she didn't have any good Calvin Klein for me, but she had some other plain-looking but totally flattering nude colored bra for $44. I said, "I'll take it!"

I should note that I didn't feel any pressure whatsoever to buy. Crystal was really kind and made me feel good and comfortable. Bra*Tenders is the kind of place that really caters to women of all shapes and sizes, and helps you feel good about yourself. Work with what you got, I say! (This is also the idea behind WNTW, I might add.)

They had a lot of camisoles that were autographed by famous people, and I was glad to see one from Gloria Steinem that said something like, "Thanks for making a great space for women." I felt just the same way.

The bill was $200, for the spanx, longline, and regular bra. The consultation, which was at least 30-40 minutes, does not cost extra. I love good customer service, and I totally got it at Bra*Tenders.

Now I am superpsyched to do my dress fitting! I am also superpsyched that I am getting married in the winter, because although Crystal was wearing Spanx, I just don't know about that during the summer.

How did you go about buying under-the-dress-wear? Did you wing it on your own, do internet research or have a consultation at a store?