Scrapbook Romance

"Romance" is a big word in our household. I remind G. pretty often that romance is very important. Also, I like to find romance in whatever we do. So if we're filling up the tank, we're having "gas romance." If we're going food shopping, we're having "Pathmark romance."

Usually I am the half of the couple who reminds us when we need romance. I think that it is possible that this concept is a hair more important to me than it is to him. Nevertheless, when G. comes through, he comes through. This past Valentine's Day was major romance with respect to his gift to me.

He gave me a scrapbook! Perhaps this doesn't immediately scream romance to you? The idea, he explained in his card, was that we would document our next year together. Scrapbook romance!

You may remember that we got engaged the day after Valentine's Day. This is definitely a "first day of the rest of your life" kind of day, so documenting the rest of the year after that seemed totally awesome to me. I became even more super excited about scrapbook romance, because it was combined now with engagement romance, which is probably in the top 3 of the best kinds there are.

I am new to scrapbooking. It is not a "thing" here in NYC the way it is in some other places. We have Michael's, but I have heard that in California, for instance, there are entire stores devoted to scrapbooking. I don't really know about this stuff so mine is pretty ham-handed compared to what's out there. That's ok, though.

This is the first page of the scrapbook, from the day we got engaged. There are the two receipts from the entry to the Met, where we got engaged. There is a receipt from the bagel breakfast we had that morning, so I can always remember that I pigged out on bagels with cream cheese and chocolate milk the morning before we got engaged. Then there is the tag you wear on your lapel when you pay for entry to the Met. I also threw in a weird picture that G. found inside a book at the Met book store. It doesn't have anything to do with us, I just thought it was weird and funny. Last are some puffy hearts that I bought on sale at Papyrus. Then I typed out the date in a cool font I found on dafont.com and presto! First foray into scrapbooking.

(G. likes totally normal fonts and nothing wacky at all, so we'll probably be doing our invitations in Times New Roman. Sigh. So seeing as the scrapbook belongs to me, I am trying out fonts all over the place.)
Here, I got a little more creative with layout. On the left side is some stuff from our 10 year college reunion, which was this past June. (G. and I went to the same small college, and graduated the same year, but we didn't know each other. We met six years after we graduated.)

On the right is a collage of stuff from our very good friends' wedding, which was a week ago. I included their invitation, our escort cards, G.'s groomsman speech (handwritten) and a polaroid that someone took of us at the brunch the next day.

I love scrapbook romance, and I love how creative this gift is. Message to dudes who read Weddingbee and are thinking of proposing (and I am sure there are lots of you): do this! Scrapbook romance. The best gift ever!

Did you get a great "extra" with your engagement?

Wedding Blitz

G. and I just got back from our third wedding in four weeks. Man, weddings are exhausting, even if you're just a guest! This one was in VT, and largely outdoors, though there was a rain contingency plan. Luckily, there was no rain!

I am not sure that I learned very much from this wedding, as it was a rural, outdoor, summer wedding, and we're having an indoor, nighttime, urban wedding.

One thing I did learn, however, was to definitely play "Like a Prayer." The DJ was awesome, and the crowd went nuts!

Here are some details that I particularly loved:
1.) The bride wore a 1930s slip that she had converted into a dress, and it was absolutely exquisite!
2.) For the reception, she changed into a 1950s prom dress (lots of tulle!) that had a baby blue crinoline. Best of all, were her baby blue, patent leather Vivienne Westwood slingbacks that were named after her!
3) The bride and groom made a last minute change to their first dance selection: the original pick of a Beatles song was replaced by Jackson 5 "I'll Be There." Very timely, and I may have shed a tear. (I also love the Mariah Carey version.)
4.) The ceremony music was bluegrass. Loved it!
5.) The bride didn't decide a thing about her hair and makeup beforehand -- an irony that I love as her career is with women's magazines. She tried a few things before the ceremony, picked what she liked, and it was done. I really admire that relaxed approach. She looked relaxed! And lovely.
6.) She made excellent use of "friendors." The photographer was a friend from college. The photographer also doubled as the hair and makeup artist... having learned a few tricks of the trade from YouTube tutorials!

All in all, it was a lovely weekend. Are any of you in a wedding blitz this summer?

We've been living together for three years now, the jig is up!

I am borrowing my veil from my friend R. I am excited about this for two reasons!

First, although I am not really going to be consciously doing the "something old, new, borrowed, blue," business, I love having something borrowed. I love the idea that with the veil on my head, I'll have R. with me (though she'll be attending the wedding too, of course) and when I look at the pictures later, I'll be able to think "That Rosemary! What a doll she was to lend me her veil!"

Rosemary got married last November in Austin and had a fantastic wedding with a parade of guests who walked from the church to the reception, followed by a mariachi band. Anyhow, her wedding was more formal than mine, so she had a cathedral length veil that she wore for the ceremony. For the reception, she changed into a shorter veil, that I semi-captured in this photograph.

Sorry it's so dark. Anyhow, I like the veil because it's short and cheerful looking, and very sheer. I thought she looked lovely in it and I hope I will too.

The other reason I am excited is because it put the kibbash on an argument my mom and I were having. At first, I didn't want to wear a veil. Then she said it was really important to her, so I was like, fine, I am not picking this battle. So I agreed, and we started looking online.

THEN she said she wanted me to wear a veil with a blusher, and I put my foot down on that. Her argument was that it makes brides look so pretty. I totally agree, it does look pretty. But I'll look pretty anyway, I'm the bride!

My problem with it -- and I want to be very clear that this is only a problem for me and has nothing to do with the choices any of you make -- is kind of political. The blusher just reminds me of the dowry, of the times back when a bride was expected to be a virgin. I just feel that with a blusher I'll be like some present for my man to unwrap, and it just makes me really uncomfortable. I am wearing a white dress, just because I like my dress and it is white, and white wedding dresses are easier to find. (I did consider pink, which is what my mom wore. By the time I was done trying on though, I was too tired to investigate whether my dress came in pink, so white it is.) I just feel like the veil over the face goes to a place I don't want to go.

So borrowing R.'s veil is nice because it is hers, and I love her, but also because it shut down the argument with my mother about the veil over the face. Done and done!

whose day?

There is one thing that I hear all the time from people:
it's YOUR wedding! you can make it what you want!

But the reality seems to be that this is not "my" our even "our" wedding. This is a family wedding. I think the idea is nice that I have this one special day when I can really go crazy and have all this great stuff just as I want it. But that's not the reality. We have a lot of voices in our ears, not the least of which are both sets of parents. Even the Best Man (who was a bit of a groomzilla himself) has opinions. I don't want to do this all me-me-me, but on the other hand, it gets exhausting trying to please everyone. Or at least pacify them!

I know that idea of "pleasing everyone" is a wedding cliche at this point. But if that's true, why does everyone tell me it's my day? It's totally not. Which is fine, but let's call it what it is, right?

Do any of you guys there feel like there are some serious contradictions going on here?

"Like my homey D.O.C. - no one can do it better"

The acronym D.O.C. always reminds me of "Nuthin but a G Thang" from Dr. Dre's The Chronic. Anyone out there remember? Anyone? Anyhow. Yeah. Nothing to do with day-of-coordinators, but in a Pavlovian way, that line always pops into my head when people talk about the D.O.C. Which they have done a lot lately! So I'll weigh in, since we are taking a little bit of a different, dare I say experimental route.

We're neither having one nor not-having one. What we're doing is asking our friend C., who is an attorney by day and a four-year-married-but-still-wedding-obsessed-wannabe-planner by night. So! At first I didn't really "get" the D.O.C. thing. I thought they were for people who were more control-freaky and less careful with their money than me. Foolish, I know. I have learned the error of my ways.

But I still wasn't sure I wanted to pay for one. My folks and I had already worked out a budget, and this just wasn't really in it.

On the other hand, my mom -- who is super Type A -- has been going gangbusters this whole time. I was beginning to imagine her totally blowing a fuse on the day-of, trying to get everything coordinated.

I suggested to her the idea of asking C. to do it, and paying her a small fee (basically enough for a nice dinner out with her husband). My mom was really relieved and totally into it.

We wouldn't ask C. to do all the things that D.O.C.s do, like checking in with vendors and stuff. But I figured that since catering comes with the venue, and we're probably not hiring a DJ, and we're on the fence about a florist, we don't have so, so many vendors. I do need someone, however, to tell the musicians when to play, when I should walk, when toasts need to start (since we're not having a DJ), to make sure the ushers know what's going on, to keep my mom sane, all that.

I knew G. would be nervous about this idea and think we were imposing on a friend who expected to be a guest. But I have learned that people want to help. Especially people who are obsessed with weddings! When I asked C., she accepted before I even got the whole question out. I assured her that she would still be a guest and we'd end her duties ASAP once things got cooking. She didn't care, she was on board!

So, we'll see. Maybe I'll be able to convince C. to quit her dayjob and then I can be her first reference and all of y'all can hire her!

my bridal style. sigh.

One of the first wedding blogs I looked at regularly was Offbeat Bride. I really like the motto of the site's creator Ariel: your wedding is not a competition. My main motto is it's a celebration, not an event, but I really respond to the competition idea, too.

When I was in middle school, I went to a lot of really, really opulent and pull-out-the-stops bar mitzvahs (as well as a couple totally nice and tasteful ones). These were my first introduction to celebratory events where there is a ceremonial component and a celebratory component. I wish Ariel was there to counsel these parents, but she was probably also in middle school at the time.

Anyhow, I remember, even at the relatively ding-dong dense age of 12, that some of the solemnity of the ceremony was overshadowed by the gumball-machine favors and karaoke machines. It all seemed kind of desperate and gauche to me. (No, I did not use words like gauche when I was 12.)

Planning my wedding now, I am trying to strike a balance between
a) having a fun and memorable and wonderful and awesome wedding
b) resisting the desire to "entertain" my guests

I want my wedding to stand out, but I don't want my wedding to stand out. I want it to be special, but I want it to be special because it's me and G. (hello, ego), not because we busted our asses trying to think up the most clever party tricks. I don't want to feel like a dog and pony show. I don't want to feel like our wedding will only be awesome with a photobooth. I don't want to verge on tacky, 1990 bar mitzvah territory.

Anyone else out there feel me on this? Do you feel pressure to "entertain" your guests?

Re-enter Xanax

So we went to this totally great wedding on Long Island, the one which I refuse to let be identified as the Bus Mishap Wedding, but just to refresh your memory: yeah, that one.

The wedding was July 11th, and the next morning, July 12th, the bride's mother oh-so casually was like, "Oh, so you guys are five months out, to the day! December 12th, right!?"

SHIT! Can I say that in front of a bride's mother? Can I say that on Weddingbee?

Neither G. nor I had really been paying attention. We got engaged in February, when there were three whole seasons between us and matrimony. Now we are five months out.

We went on with our day, had some good bagels and weird bacon, drove home, whatever. Then at midnight, we were laying in bed, and of course both of our minds started racing with to-do lists. (Why does your mind wait til you're trying to sleep to start racing?)

This is how we have approached the wedding so far: I read Weddingbee every single day, and make mental notes. I deal with the fun stuff, like the dress, shoes, photographer. We deal with the urgent stuff like budgets and guest list. But aside from singlehandedly designing our letterpress STDs, G. has not been suuuuuuper involved.

I guess this "five months" thing got to him. I had a totally bonkers day at work today and was not covering my Gmail with my usual vigilance. I logged on and had three emails from him: one about researching iPod weddings, one about planning the afterparty (priorities!) and one about how he entered into a full-blown panic last night, which I hadn't really noticed.

Wow, all of a sudden he is like, Mr. Wedding. I even went so far as to introduce him to "kvetch" on indiebride, and sent him links to Weddingbee about honeymoon budgets and invitation suites. We have a date later this week to get into super planning mode for the wedding which seems all of a sudden to be around the corner.

What lit a fire under your fiance's ... um.... behind?