Enter Xanax

This weekend we went out to Long Island to help celebrate the marriage of our very good friends, P. and S. My fiance was a groomsman, and they are very special to us, so I think we both felt invested in the entire event in a way that neither of us really had at other weddings. Frankly, we were super f'ing excited!

This is the 2nd of three weddings that I'll attend in the time between my engagement and my own wedding. I keep thinking I'll bring along a little notebook or something to jot down ideas, must-dos or must-don'ts (yipes). But I never do, of course, because I am getting ready, late, trying to fit a bunch of crap in a tiny purse and am for sure prioritizing the camera and lip gloss over the pen and notebook.

That said, I have also found that I remember the must-dos and must-don'ts without even writing them down.

Here are a list of three things that I learned at the exquisite and joyful celebration that I was a part of this weekend:

1.) Definitely DO play "Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)" by Bruce Springsteen during the reception.
2.) Definitely DON'T have any D.I.Y. projects that involve tying 175 tiny bows by yourself two days before the wedding.
3.) Definitely DO have a Plan B if you hire a god-forsaken bus company to transport 50 of your guests -- including the groom's parents and old ladies visiting from Ireland -- 20 miles to the ceremony.

Curious? Ok, here is what happened:

Everyone was waiting in the lobby of the Marriott for the bus, which was 40 minutes late. It turned out the bus was 40 minutes late because it was sitting in the parking lot on the other side of the hotel. We all piled in, and the bus smelled like a delectable combination of fish and pee. Then, we get going and it stalls out twice in the parking lot.

(oh-- here's number 4, a life lesson: 4.) trust your instincts to go get your car when you're in a bus that stalls out twice within 50 feet.)

We made it about a mile before a final shudder and stomach-turning "click" of the A/C turning off indicated that the bus had died.

I'd like to say we all piled off, but we didn't. We sat in the fishy, uriney heat until some people in the front meandered off, then the people in the middle, and aw, hell, let's all get off.

Since my fiance was in the wedding party, I was traveling with a girlfriend whose husband was also a groomsman. We made quick friends with a federal prosecutor and his lawyer wife from Miami, who regaled us with stories of the drug and porn industries for the better part of an hour and a half.

Solutions were slow to come, and we all stood on the side of the highway on Long Island, outside a Cheesesteak Factory. Eventually, an ice cream truck pulled up, and a few people got ice cream, including the completely good-for-nothing bus driver, who retired back to his seat to enjoy his ice cream while the rest of us worked the phones and tried to think of new ways to say "chin up, it could totally be worse!" to the groom's mother.

Eventually, a guy in an SUV pulled over to see what was the trouble. He offered to take the groom's parents to the church, and they accepted (even in the light of a bunch of axe murderer jokes coming from one of the guests). Next, the wedding planner sent a 20-seat limo, which took away the rest of the old ladies, people who had traveled from abroad, and anyone speaking at the wedding. Finally, a fleet of 5 cabs turned up and we piled into one of them, and arrived at the ceremony about halfway through.

It had been postponed about an hour, but finally they couldn't wait anymore. The priest was just beginning the homily when my friend and I arrived, and we were just in time for the vows that followed.

Standing on the side of the road wasn't actually that bad, aside from the wind which kept blowing my chiffon skirt every which way. Well, that and the fact that just looking at the groom's mother, and thinking about the stress the bride and groom must have been feeling, totally almost put me over the edge. But it was a cool, sunny day, and I met some nice people, so all in all it wasn't that bad. Nevertheless, I was a wreck by the time we got there. The drama and anxiety, combined with a wicked hangover from the rehearsal dinner, and I was a basketcase. I took one look at my friend in her gorgeous dress and veil and burst into tears. (I've never cried at a wedding before!).

But I have to tell you, it was serious high drama. It totally sucked for about an hour and a half. But once we got to the reception (and the groom's father had his Jameson's) everything was totally fine. It was wonderful. I wouldn't say the Great Bus Incident of 2009 is a funny story yet, but I am sure it will be one day, because it was a beautiful wedding, two people I love very much are joined in marriage, and we all had a total blast.

Still -- good to have a Plan B for your transportation.

the wedding party - part 2

So, last we spoke, I was telling you how I was a bit bent out of shape how my BFF didn't seem to give a rip that I am getting married, and I was reconsidering my wedding party.

This is what I had in place: I knew I wanted my sister-from-another-mother to be my maid of honor. A.T. and I had grown up together, known each other since we were in utero. Our mothers are friends, our families vacation together, do Thanksgiving together. She is more than a friend, she is a given in my life. She is also an event-planner (helpful!) incredibly energetic, and organized. The perfect MOH. She started acting like an MOH even before I asked her, planning my shower about 45 minutes into my engagement.

Then I knew I wanted my very good friend B. to be my "bridesdude." B. is a friend of mine from work. We shared a cubicle for 5 years, and talked like girlfriends. You know. We've been through a lot together: the Bush administration, the Mets, my meeting G., the birth of his son.

B. is one of those guys who plastered his cubby with pictures of his wife and sons. His family was first on his mind all the time. I really admired B.'s marriage, his family life. We had talked about my relationship a lot, and he gave me a lot of good an unique insight ("marriage is easy!"). I consider B. my "marriage mentor" and I knew I wanted him to stand up with me.

We knew we wanted to have a small-ish wedding party, so I was limiting it to three. Since the debacle with A., I had a third spot to fill.

This was tough. I considered some people who were part of a larger group of friends, and decided I didn't want anyone to feel left out. I considered one girl who was my best friend in college, but we were working on repairing our relationship from a falling-out and I wasn't sure she was ready. (We're great now, and she's doing a reading.) I considered a very new friend I have, because she has been totally supportive, and I thought it might be a fun bonding thing to have a really new friend stand up with me.

Ultimately, I decided on my wonderful friend L., who was my other college BFF. She lives in San Francisco, which is maddeningly far away from me. To be honest, L. and I struggle with staying in touch. The time difference is a bear, and we're both wicked busy (like everyone). We love each other though, and are determined to keep our friendship alive.

L. is someone who always makes me laugh, who relaxes me and makes me feel good and happy. She is someone with whom I can quote Austin Powers with for the 9 millionth time and crack up. I decided I needed someone up there who will chill me out and make me feel happy. That is what L. does, and she is awesome.

So that's the wedding party. The issues with A. are unresolved. I don't know what will happen. We sent the save the dates out yesterday, and I bet she got hers today. I wonder what she'll think. It will be interesting to see how this progresses, and I'll be sure to keep you updated on late-breaking news.

How did you choose your wedding party?

the wedding party - headache part 1

I had thought a lot about my wedding party before I got engaged. We even talked about it a bit, during that weird period where we knew we were going to get engaged, but it hadn't happened yet (more on that later, yeesh). So, like a lot of other stuff I had it all wrapped up, in the bag, whatever, before we were even engaged.

Then things changed.

I have this best friend A., who I have been like peas and carrots with since we were 14.

We met when I complimented her on her nailpolish and Hypercolor shirt (this was the early 90s, ok? You young folks can go ahead and Google "Hypercolor!").

We fell in love when I came over to her house for a sleepover and did my spot-on Axl Rose impression, swaying all over the dang place to "Patience."

We have had some serious ups and downs over the years, but that's how things go in long-term relationships. Lately, we've really been mostly having ups. Then I told her I had gotten engaged (after two days of trying to get her on the phone). She acted like I told her what I had for lunch that day.

We talked again two weeks later, for her birthday, no mention of my engagement. I didn't see her or talk to her for months, and we had a very tense dinner about a week ago. For whatever reason, she is not at all interested in the fact that I am getting married.

Now, I am not one to bash people over the head with my wedding. I am not all me-me-me. It's not like I am being all annoying about it. She hasn't even given me a chance to be annoying!

There's a lot more I could say about this, but I'll spare you the gory details. I know a lot of us have gone through similar things, and Miss Cloud posted a wonderful and honest post about it.

My and A.'s relationship is complicated, and it can be complicated when people get engaged. It can bring up insecurities, sadness, lonlieness, envy, all sorts of feelings. I know all this. Yet I thought for sure A. was going to be a bridesmaid. I had never imagined another possibility.

But obviously, if she wasn't the slightest bit interested in my wedding (for whatever reason), I wasn't going to have her be in the wedding.

Oh, snap. Now what to do? Well, for one, stay tuned!